For years, I struggled with an overwhelming sense of inferiority. Whether at work, in social settings, or even during casual encounters, I constantly found myself measuring my worth against others. It felt like an unending contest in my mind – a contest where I invariably deemed myself the loser. In these mental matchups, it seemed like everyone was better than me – more beautiful, more intelligent, and more talented. This persistent comparison became a heavy burden, shadowing my interactions and fueling a relentless inferiority complex.
But there came a moment of epiphany, a realization that the simplest, yet most profound solution to this pervasive problem lay within me. It dawned on me that I held the power to change my narrative. The key was not in altering the people around me, but in transforming my perception of myself. The journey began with a crucial first step: nurturing my self-respect. I recognized that the battleground of comparison was not in the world around me but in my thoughts. By shifting my focus from the imagined superiority of others to my unique strengths and values, I began to rewrite the story of my life.
Building my self-confidence was a gradual process, each step strengthening me against the persistent thought that people are better than me. With every small success, I chipped away at the notion that I was inferior to those around me, reinforcing my self-worth brick by brick.
Practicing meditation in nature has become a habitual sanctuary for me. Whenever I need to disconnect from the daily stress, I take my meditation cushion and head to a quiet place in nature. There, I engage in the simplest form of meditation: mindfulness.
I begin by focusing solely on my breathing, gently pushing away any intrusive thoughts that arise. Gradually, I sync with the rhythm of nature around me, embracing the unique scents, the variety of sounds, and the gentle caress of the wind.
This practice, frees me, at least temporarily, from the obsessive thoughts about people I’ve recently interacted with – those I invariably perceived as being better than me.
My initial encounter with NLP was in college, where it was offered as an optional subject. At that time, I regrettably chose not to participate. However, a few years ago, I decided to attend an NLP course, which significantly changed the way I think.
So, how does NLP continue to benefit me today? I apply various techniques, accessible to anyone, for imposing new beliefs and for refining or improving the old, deep-rooted ones.
This has enabled me to reprogram my subconscious mind, leading to a noticeable improvement in self-respect.
Here are the most frequent techniques I use that help me achieve the best results:
I began reading the works of various philosophers such as Seneca, Gandhi, and Plato, finding pieces of myself in their writings countless times. Their words resonated deeply with me, and numerous quotes have empowered me to take control of my own life. Here are such quotes:
There was a time when I believed everyone was better than me. This feeling was pervasive, whether I was comparing myself to my college peers, the women around my husband, or just people I interacted with in general. I found myself avoiding interaction as much as possible.
Looking back now, I can’t help but laugh and realize how much working on this aspect of my life has helped me. Engaging with people became a focused effort for me. I started taking the initiative in conversations, speaking up, and gradually building confidence in myself.
This process allowed me to see myself in a much better light than I had previously imagined. I discovered a successful woman who was no longer shadowed by the fear of others being better.
Back in 2010, at a significant gathering in Texas attended by around 80 renowned psychologists and therapists, I experienced a crucial moment in my growth journey. For the first time, I took the microphone and delivered a speech in front of a full room. Without giving a second thought to what might happen, I spoke confidently and without hesitation.
That moment marked a turning point for me. Since then, my self-confidence has significantly increased. I highly recommend this practice of speaking in front of groups to anyone. The sense of fulfillment that came from that experience was astonishing. It’s amazing how much self-assurance can be gained from stepping out of your comfort zone and facing a crowd, especially when you’ve been burdened with the thought that people are better than you.
Though I had been regularly attending the gym since my university years, I eventually realized something was amiss.
This understanding was a part of my path to enlightenment. It became clear that to truly feel fulfilled and at peace with oneself, a balance between the mental, physical, and spiritual components is essential.
Even though it’s true that we will always encounter people who are indeed better than us in some respects, I’ve learned to be grateful for who I am and what I have. As a result, there isn’t a day that goes by without me verbally expressing my gratitude. Some of the things I affirm daily include:
I encourage you to try saying out loud what you are grateful for at least once. You’ll realize that it doesn’t take much to be happy. This practice of gratitude has been a powerful tool in shifting my focus from the belief that people are better than me to appreciate the unique value and blessings in my own life.
I devised my own mental game, thinking of the mind as a bank where I have two choices: to deposit positive thoughts or negative thoughts. If I choose to fill my ‘mental bank’ with negative thoughts, then whenever I ‘withdraw’ something, I’ll only get negativity in return. The complete opposite happens when I choose to fill it with positive thoughts.
I’ve come to understand that being positive is an important aspect because the laws of the universe play a significant role in everyday life. The more your bank is filled with negativity, the more negative aspects seem to dominate your life. Conversely, when you choose positivity, you are more likely to attract prosperity, joy, and harmony.
Even when there are inevitable downs in life, it’s important to accept them without letting negativity take over.
This has been extraordinary for me, especially during times when my self-confidence was low. Turning to God, I often find immense support in times of struggle. Just the knowledge that I am constantly watched over and cared for by a higher power brings a profound sense of security and comfort.
This connection with God helps me remember that I am never alone in my challenges. It reinforces the belief that there is a greater plan and purpose for me, beyond the immediate concerns of daily life and beyond the self-doubt that arises when I think people are better than me. This spiritual relationship has been a cornerstone in building my resilience and self-assurance, reminding me of my worth and strength in the face of life’s trials.
The root of this thought often lies in low self-confidence, which needs to be addressed and improved upon. Although there may not be a quick fix, as you apply various techniques, you will gradually see a significant improvement in how you view yourself to others.
Building self-esteem is a journey, and with each step, you will likely find yourself less inclined to believe that people are better than you, and more focused on your unique strengths and abilities.
The most effective approach is to try and bring your awareness to the present moment. Embracing the power of the present helps you to break free from intrusive thoughts, distractions, and ultimately, doubts. When you focus on the here and now, you give less room for self-doubt to thrive. Mindfulness and grounding techniques can be particularly helpful in this regard, as they redirect your attention from internal uncertainties to the tangible realities around you, fostering a sense of calm and clarity.
There are several paths to consider, and it’s important to find the one that best suits you. Here are a few suggestions to help redirect your focus:
Dr. Emily Thompson, originating from the intellectual hub of Boston, has dedicated more than two decades of her life to exploring the varied dimensions of mindfulness and its application in daily life. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and has augmented her formal education with extensive training in various mindfulness and meditation practices. Known for her serene demeanor and profound wisdom, Dr. Thompson has established herself as an esteemed voice in bringing mindfulness into practical, everyday scenarios, notably through her contributions in the "Everyday Mindfulness" and "Deepening the Practice" categories on the website.
Her work integrates traditional psychological principles with mindful practices to cultivate a holistic approach to mental wellness. Dr. Thompson has facilitated numerous workshops and retreats, intending to share the profound impact of conscious, present living with individuals from all walks of life. Her profound insights, derived from both her professional expertise and personal journey, infuse her writings with authenticity and compassionate understanding.